


through the night

by ackerwhat



Series: 세상에서 가장 달콤한 거짓 [5]
Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Eventual Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Post-Break Up, Reconciliation, yayy?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-24 13:51:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17705447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ackerwhat/pseuds/ackerwhat
Summary: The last journey.It started from a lie, and it turned into two, three, and then countless of them. But it was still sweet, because no matter what, Ha Sungwoon is still Kang Daniel's only one.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the last one. 
> 
> inspired by iu 'through the night (밤편지)' which is one of my nielwoon anthems. enjoy! 🎹

* * *

🎼🎼🎼🎼🎼🎼🎼🎼🎼🎼🎼

 

Daniel looked at the clock on the wall restlessly. The minute hand was moving steadily, little ticking noise seemed to be amplified in the small dorm room. He was alone. A small cider drink on his desk, opened jelly packet by the side, with his editing program left on idle mode, and his mind off somewhere else.

It was graduation day, for the seniors. And Daniel should be out there congratulating and celebrating with his other friends.

 _‘Your life does not revolve around Ha Sungwoon’_ , he reminded himself. But he was afraid—if he were to take a step outside, he’d be hurting himself more. He wasn’t healed, not yet, and looking at Sungwoon’s face for the last time would not do him any good. He knew he’d want to hug him, or worse, kiss him. Even for the last time, he wanted to embrace him.   

He was aware how toxic it was starting to be—his type of love. He was willing to drop everything right on the spot for Ha Sungwoon. He was starting to forget himself, his self-worth, what he truly deserved. He couldn’t blame everything on Sungwoon, he did this to himself.

His hand reached out for the drink, gulped it down his throat in one go and let the tangy sensation resided in. No sojus or beers, he promised himself, but the least he could let himself have would be this cider. He took another glance at the clock—close to noon now—the ceremony must’ve been over.

 

Funny how a few months back, he had planned to take as many pictures as he could with Sungwoon on this day. They had planned, after the party with their other friends, Sungwoon would drive them to the nearest beach (since Daniel could not drive to save his life, _yet_ ) and celebrate on their own there. Before Daniel could go back to his monotonous college life, and Sungwoon, starting his real-life adventure, they would have one romantic gateway, just for the two of them.

Maybe that was the reason why people say not to count your chicken before they hatch. You’d never know when you’d be breaking up with your long-time boyfriend. The film camera that he bought just to take pretty pictures of Sungwoon was put on to waste on the shelf, decorating it along with the dust. Daniel sighed, looking at the thing that had caused him his two-months allowance, and thinking—maybe he could gift it to Seongwoo instead.

 

And before he realised it—noon had changed to night. The busy hallways grew louder, a tell-tale signal that some parties were to be held in different parts of the campus, and even around the town. His roommate, Seongwoo had even came and changed to his wild-night-out gear.

Daniel quietly observed him before commenting, “Who are you trying to impress here?”

“What’s with that judging look?” Seongwoo asked him as he shimmied into a pair of tight pants. ‘ _He was probably planning not to go home tonight’_ , Daniel thought, or _‘Should I be smart and stay somewhere else?’_

“I’m telling you, Niel,” Seongwoo started again, “You should go out tonight. Feel the air of freedom—”

“It’s not even our graduation. We’re not graduating yet,” Daniel deadpanned. Seongwoo might’ve had just one year left to go but Daniel would be stuck here for the next 2 years. “And didn’t I tell you that I’m trying not to douse myself with alcohol for the time being? I don’t want to make any stupid thing that I might regret the next morning.”

 

Like calling Ha Sungwoon, or going straight into his room.

Seongwoo stared at him through his reflection on the mirror. He looked like he had more to say but decided against it. “Anyways,” He sighed, “If you’re changing your mind later at night, you can find me over at Jisung hyung’s.”

“It’s not like you guys won’t move somewhere else over the night.”

“I know, brat,” Seongwoo rolled his eyes, “Don’t get all cheeky with me, I’m still your hyung. I’m just laying the options for you. After all, everyone misses you. Go out, have fun, forget everything. You’re still young. You have a lot more waiting for you. Don’t lose hope just because of a heartbreak. We, the bros, will forever be here for you, Niel-ah.”

 _Easier said than done_ , Daniel thought, slumping against his seat. He said ‘fine’ anyway, just to make Seongwoo exit from the room quicker. He wanted to be sad all by himself.

“Remember what I said,” Seongwoo said before closing the door behind him, and Daniel bid his roommate a half-enthusiastic goodbye. 

                                                                                                       

🎵🎵🎵

 

Daniel didn’t know what had come over him. He was outside, far away from his plan of staying inside his cave and facing the dance video he’d been trying to edit over the span of the day.

He didn’t know what made him change his mind. Was it the long-ass voicemail Jaehwan had sent him, asking for his hot leather jacket that he wanted to borrow for the night, or was it Woojin’s dancing clip, letting it all loose on top of a table, looking all so contented with life that Jisung had sent him over an hour ago? Or was it Jihoon’s cursed chat message in Kakao, that blurrily caught Sungwoon’s pixelated self who was fighting with Jinyoung for a turn in the karaoke setlist.

Daniel knew right away that Sungwoon was gone—he preferred singing alone when it comes to the karaoke, so for him to be going after Jinyoung’s ass who’s forever known for his mic-addict identity, it meant that several shots had settled in nicely within him. In short, he was _very_ drunk. 

 

And right now, instead of the soft murmuring of his overworked laptop and ticking clock, he was accompanied by the retching noise of Sungwoon puking his entire dinner in the back alley of their third stop of the night.

He didn’t know why he was there, patting his ex-boyfriend’s back, when he should’ve been doing something more productive. Like editing that damned video he’d been attempting to for the past few days.

Maybe it was Sungwoon’s happy expression when Daniel had finally showed his face in the karaoke room the group had rented out for the night, it could also be his aegyo (resulted from his drunken self) when offering (read: pouring) a few shots for Daniel who’d been anal about his alcohol when everyone else was already shots deep into the night. Or simply due to the fact that Daniel hadn’t been able to move on from said man.

Excuses aside, it couldn’t be denied that Daniel had felt responsible and committed to be the one who’s taking care of a very drunk Sungwoon.

 

“Are you okay, hyung?” Daniel asked, tone kept a minimal. He wasn’t mad, nor was he elated to see Sungwoon like this. He just felt so, so tired.

“I can’t feel my toes,” Sungwoon croaked out. And when Daniel peeked down to check on his leg, he saw that Sungwoon’s feet was sans any shoe. Where on earth, did he lose his shoes? Daniel sighed, hands elevated from Sungwoon’s back to palm his face. Why did he get himself roped into this situation?

“No,” Sungwoon whined, puling Daniel’s attention back to him, “Pat me, don’t stop.”

“Hyung, where are your shoes?”

Sungwoon looked at him intently, and Daniel should at least be disgusted by the foamy puke residue on his lips. He should be. But the very first thought in his head was to wipe it away with his thumb. After the self-sacrifice (and Sungwoon pulling away because even in his drunk state, he was still coherent about hygiene, or the lack of), Daniel absent-mindedly wiped his stained finger on his pants.

Don’t judge him—all he wanted to do was to take care of Sungwoon.

“Pat me,” Sungwoon broke away from his momentary reverie. He pulled Daniel’s hand, put it against his back and said, “Pat me, like this.” Tap, tap, tap.

“Your shoes, hyung,” Daniel repeated as he continued soothing the back of his ex-beau. True, Sungwoon’s small feet was almost blue (he’d practically stepped over snow barefooted, considering their trip here to the back alley when he started puking his stomach out). Daniel could sacrifice his shoes, but that would make two possible frost-bite victims so he decided not to. After all, his feet were a few sizes larger than Sungwoon’s, and in the older one’s state at the moment, he was more likely to trip over himself and get hurt.

 

So, when the two emerged from the alley, the smaller one being piggybacked by the larger one, everyone shared a look, but they kept themselves from saying anything. One, because Sungwoon was drunk and his tendency to hurt everyone else was inevitably higher than his sober state. And second, come on, look at Daniel’s face—no one wanted to hurt him anymore so they kept their mouths shut.

“You need any help there?” Jisung asked, as he approached the two.

“I’m fine, hyung,” Daniel said, but Jisung noticed the small step backward he had taken. Sensing his mechanism, Jisung paused in his track and asked once more, “Are you sure?”

Daniel hiked the sleeping man on his back higher and secured his thighs firmly on his hold. He wasn’t sure, but he knew that he couldn’t let any other man touch Sungwoon in this state. Not that he didn’t trust his friends or Sungwoon, it was because he couldn’t trust himself to be okay seeing that.

“Where are you taking him?” Minhyun suddenly asked from the crowd. Sensing everyone’s sudden awkward gazes, he actually chuckled and shook his head, “No, I’m just—” He paused to laugh again before continuing, “I can drive you back to the dorm? If you want? I brought my car here and I didn’t have any shot just now.” Of course, Minhyun and his self-discipline.

“What about me~” Jinyoung wailed onto Minhyun’s back, “Hyung, you’re supposed to be our ride back home. I called shotgun just now!”

“I’ll come back later to fetch the rest of you,” He tried to talk to Jinyoung. Minhyun took a glance at Sungwoon who was busy sleeping and getting all comfortable behind Daniel’s back. He was snoring lightly, eyes scrunched tight and lips pouted in his tight sleep. Minhyun then looked at Daniel once more, “What do you say, Daniel?”

When Daniel took his time to answer that, Jisung offered another option, “Why don’t I call a designated driver for them? And you can take care of the younger kids?”

“But we want to go for another round!” Someone said in a slurred motion, voice laced with evident trace of alcohol.

 

Minhyun stared at the two for a while before nodding his head. “Okay, then,” He said. Minhyun gave Daniel a small smile before arranging for the younger ones to come with him, despite their reluctance.  

Daniel took a deep breath. Exhale. Another inhale. Exhale. And then he decided to instruct Jisung to tell the drive their destination point, Sungwoon’s dorm, to occupy his time. Sungwoon lost weight, he was already light before, and now that his lean body was pliant against his back, Daniel could easily notice the difference.

“Do you want me to come with?” Jisung asked, face etched with worry.

“I’ll be fine. I’ll just drop hyung off before going back to my place.” Looking at Jisung’ unconvinced face, Daniel offered him a small smile, the one with the crinkling eyes, “Don’t look at me like that, hyung. I’m okay. Don’t worry about me.”

 

* * *

 🎼🎼🎼

 

Morning came. When Sungwoon opened his eyes, his brain decided to ‘fuck it’ and dinged heavily against his will. Ah—a full hangover, he thought, when flashes of last night’s misadventures flashed through his eyes. His whole body felt heavy and he quit all attempts to get up. All limbs stretched out across his bed, as he tried to hold back the bile that threatened to come out.

When he heard some shuffling across his floor, Sungwoon’s head shot up in alarm, thus, making his migraine worse than it’d been.

“It’s me, hyung,” It sounded like Daniel. Fuck.

Sungwoon looked up from his sprawled self on the bed. It was indeed Daniel.

 

Daniel came closer, he was holding a glass of water and what seemed to be aspirin pills in his other hand. He settled those on Sungwoon’s nightstand. “Huh,” Sungwoon dumbly sounded, “There…banana…” He hoarsely said. There was a comb of bananas on the bedside table, which hadn’t been there when he left his room last night.

“You might get gastric,” Daniel explained, “So I got them for you. Eat those first before you take this.”

Sungwoon hesitantly got up and leaned his back against the headboard. He looked at Daniel and silently observed him. Sungwoon was positive that Daniel hadn’t come along with the group as they celebrated last night, not in his memory, but he had blacked out after Seongwoo’s ruthless mixed drink so he could only vouch minimally in that matter.

“D-did,” His pitch when off and what escaped his mouth was an off-tune word. Sungwoon halted his speech, as Daniel looked away to hide his small chuckle. Sungwoon cleared his throat before trying again, “Did you stay the night?” He asked.

“What if I did?” Daniel asked him. “Do you not like it?”

“I changed my keys. How did you let yourself in?”

“You opened the door by yourself.” Daniel replied. “I sent you back last night. And no,” He decided to tell the truth, “I did not stay the night.”

 

Sungwoon hummed back emptily. He reached for one banana and when Daniel tried to peel the fruit for him, he pulled away. “I’m hungover, my head hurts but I can still do this by myself.” He declared. Daniel shrugged and let Sungwoon stubbornly tried with his wobbly coordination to peel the damned thing. “How did you get in this morning?”

Daniel snatched the fruit from his hands and easily peeled the banana. He offered it back to Sungwoon and tried supressing his fondness when Sungwoon, all in his cuteness, said thanks although he grumpily did so.

“I borrowed your spare key,” He pointed at the hideout Sungwoon used to store his keys. It was under the vase, predictably, in front of his door. “I wanted to make sure that you’re alright.”

 

“Is that it?” Sungwoon asked.

“That’s all.” Daniel said, “I don’t have any ulterior moves, hyung. Everyone else was drunk as hell last night.” A lie. “And they all wanted to go for more rounds.” Minhyun had offered to bring them back. Another lie. “And you were missing your shoes. You couldn’t possibly be walking any more distance with your condition.” Sungwoon could easily recover when he was drinking—but it was a good thing that Daniel brought him back at that moment, or else, he would be suffering worse the next morning.

“I see,” Sungwoon said, more to himself. “I’m sorry… and thank you.”

“We’re friends, aren’t we?” Daniel smiled. _Ouch_ , even to Sungwoon, that didn’t sound any convincing. It was just straight painful for the two of them to hear that. _‘Think of something else,_ ’ Daniel’s brain prompted him to and so his mind decided to comment on the first thing he laid his eyes on.

“You’re done packing?” He asked. _Wince_ , another _ouch_ , Daniel was reminded of the looming fact that Sungwoon had graduated and it was about time that he’d be moving out from the dorm premise. He walked away, steering his eyes off from Sungwoon’s inquisitive ones. He inspected the boxes, all stacked nicely by the wall.

 

He saw it last night, when he put Sungwoon to bed, but the thought did not register fully in his head. The whole room seemed vacant now that most of Sungwoon’s stuffs had been packed into boxes, ready to be loaded off.

“I’ve got a lease in a building close to the studio where I’m going to work at.”

“Oh,” Daniel turned to him, “You got a job already?”

Sungwoon smiled as he finally finished his banana. He nodded, and to Daniel, it was the happiest he’d seen Sungwoon lately. It was a look he’d truly missed on Sungwoon. He deserved it. “I’m glad.” Daniel vocalised. He truly was, he felt so happy for Sungwoon. For some time, Sungwoon had been feeling scared and unsure of his future. Now that he’d cleared off the initial phase, there’d be more chance for him to do the things he loves.

 

“But you don’t look that happy…” Sungwoon observed.

“Yeah, well,” Daniel rubbed his back, feeling awkward that Sungwoon had successfully seen through him. “You’re leaving me behind, aren’t you?” When his own words finally settled in, Daniel rephrased his thoughts, “I mean, you’re going to be out there, being successful and living your dream, and I’d still be here. Waking up at 7, getting ready for classes, trying my best not to fall asleep in most of them…”

“Niel,” Sungwoon coaxed. Daniel hated how his heart fluttered at his tone. “We’ve been through this, haven’t we?”

Yeah, they did talk about the future and their insecurities, back when they were still together. Sungwoon had shared with him his fears and the scary expectations people have on him. And Daniel too, had showed Sungwoon his qualms and worries, his doubts, how everyone seemed too keen to leave him. His father, some of his friends when he had come out of the closet, and even Sungwoon himself. Minhyun too, if he were to be included in the equation.

“It’s just me,” Daniel laughed bitterly, “I’m just being weird…”

“It’s not weird.” Sungwoon insisted. “You know how I feel when you get like this.”

“Oh yeah?” Daniel asked, and he almost continued, ‘ _Then why did you leave me too?_ ’. He bit his tongue, keeping the thoughts to himself.

“Kang Daniel,” Sungwoon called. He was done engulfing the pills and pushing it with the water. With all seriousness, he looked at Daniel. “Let’s properly end it.”

 

The dancer couldn’t help the scoff that escaped him. It wasn’t like things had not been over for the couple for the past few months. It wasn’t just a break, Daniel was sure of, it had been a clean break-up. Although no final words had been shared regarding the status of their relationship, it was as clear as the blue sky, that they were no longer together. Although, Daniel had always wanted to be with Sungwoon again.

“I mean it. It’s over. You should…move on, Daniel. I’ll be leaving soon…and I don’t want you to…hold on to something that’s been hurting you. Because, let’s be real here, what I did was unforgiveable.”

“That’s not up for you to say,” Daniel interrupted him.

“I cheated on you, okay.” Daniel looked away when Sungwoon stressed the whole sentence for him. He didn’t need to be reminded of it and the way Sungwoon said those lines, it brought Daniel back to the previous months, to _that_ day. It still hurt, the wound was still bare and bleeding. Who was he trying to lie?

“I don’t love you anymore.”

 

_Who was he trying to lie, really?_

Daniel looked at the man who had cause him more heartbreaks than the span of his entire early lives. He really thought that Daniel would not see pass him, would not look at the signs—how terrible of a liar Ha Sungwoon is? His lips were trembling, bitten to keep the sobs from pouring out. His eyes were evading Daniel’s eyes, those pools of sincerest stars.

_Who did he think Daniel was? A stranger?_

 

“Are you sure, hyung?”

“The moment I step out of this university, I will get rid of every memory I have with you. I will forget you.”

Daniel took a step closer. Sungwoon really underestimated him. Underestimated the times they’d shared as one. He stopped in front of Sungwoon, by his bed. From a closer view, it was more obvious that Sungwoon was talking shit about everything.

But still, determined and stubborn as he is, Sungwoon said, “Time will heal everything. You will forget me too.”

He really won’t, Daniel, but he said nothing. He just stared as Sungwoon finally looked away. Daniel leaned closer. Without any hesitance, he took Sungwoon’s chin and kept their glances locked. A few seconds passed. He looked down, specifically on Sungwoon’s lips, and the older one did not do anything. He did not lean away or swat Daniel’s intrusive hand away.

“Even if time passes, I will always miss you. I will always love you.” Daniel said, “And I know, Sungwoon,” He gently touched Sungwoon’s lower lip, remember fully how soft they’d be, against his own. “I know that you feel the same.” 

And with a weather irritatingly nice, like that fateful day, Daniel walked out of Sungwoon’s life, bearing along his heart.

 

* * *

 🎼🎼🎼

 

Today too, the weather was nice. Birds were chirping, low twittering jostling him from his sleep and waking him up. It was Wednesday— _wait_ —and Sungwoon shot up, thinking that he’d be late for— _oh wait_ —he no longer goes to classes. Fuck. ‘ _What an old man’_ , he thought of himself, ‘ _You’ve graduated three years ago, grandpa_.’

Sungwoon shook his head, rubbing his face with his palms. How long did he sleep for? He checked the time, and roughly calculated 3 hours of sleep. Guess that nothing was vast different from his university days and that included constant lack of sleep. His neck hurt terribly, and hey, that was probably his fault too, for not sleeping on his comfy bed. The house (yup, his owned house, bought with cash and all that) even had a king-size bed. _What a waste,_ he peered emptily at his closed bedroom.

He hit it big. The second song he produced had featured a promising rising artist and that earned Sungwoon his first big pay check. Once your name is out there, work becomes easier and more rewarding. The royalty from the song alone had cost Sungwoon this house, and with more produced arts he came up with after that, he was no longer a struggling musician.

Sungwoon’s life was reduced to writing his music, composing, recording demo tapes, and meetings with company heads and broadcast station managers. He stretched his body, especially his fingers. They’d become numb from playing with chords the night before. He checked the keyboard, noticing that no sound was played when he pressed the keys. Upon further inspection, Sungwoon noticed that the power was unplugged, probably because he’d fallen asleep on the musical instrument, thus, creating that nonstop resonance.

 

That also meant that a certain someone was here the night before.

Sungwoon needed not to look far, just across the living room, a certain lump on the sofa could be seen. Judging from the bird nest of a hair in that shaded form, Sungwoon inferred that it was most probably Jihoon.

The younger one must’ve let himself in last night. Sungwoon finally got up from his seat and walked towards the sleeping Jihoon. He poked the younger one’s cheek to wake him up. “Hey intruder,” He rustled (well, an attempt, albeit a futile one) him awake, “What are you here for?”

“Shut up, hyung,” Jihoon grumbled in his sleep before pulling the blanket to cover more of himself. _What a brat_ , Sungwoon thought, but he let the younger one continuing his sleep. He was once like that, he thought, remembering his past frequent sleepovers at Junhyuk’s studio, or Jisung’s worn-out couch.

The weather was nice, Sungwoon observed from the window, looking over the view from the top where his apartment unit was situated. If he was a bit energetic, he’d be down there over at Han River to at least jog. He rubbed his bumpy stomach, missing his once shaped abdomen. Well, Sungwoon sighed, it was nice to feel and touch once upon a memory.

He fixed the morning coffee for both him and Jihoon. He knew the younger one would be looking for food the moment his eyes blink open so he warmed a ready-made pizza in the microwave. They were both not quite fond of caffeine in their university days, and Sungwoon linked their dependency on the drink with age and laziness to get a healthier diet.

 

Everyone knew they had a phase where they were not talking and were instead, ignoring each other completely. But one day, Jihoon came over, to his poor excuse of a one-room house and cried—he had just had a fight with Woojin and only Sungwoon was on his mind. After asking around from the older hyungs, he found out where Sungwoon was living at the moment and ambushed his front door.

Fists were almost exchanged, more heartfelt talks (more like screams), and the next morning, Jihoon left the door with more than one problem solved. That evening, Sungwoon called Woojin over and ‘talked’ to him. That was the start of the two younger friends’ relationship. Being the catalyst to that deadly combination, the two seemed Sungwoon worthy enough for them to bother and have sleepovers at.

It was as simple as that, mending his friendship with Jihoon and Woojin. Well, they come in a package and Woojin actually had no problems in being friends with Sungwoon, still. Anyways, time passed, and even three years later, their bond remained strong and sturdy.

 

Looking at the blue sky and even the light traffic down the road made Sungwoon somehow melancholic. Sad. Tired. Like he couldn’t keep up with all the happiness the world brings. He turned the radio on, hoping that songs with titles like ‘Don’t Forget’ or another one equivalent to a sad connotation like ‘Spring Breeze’ would be played and could help himself drown further in his self-induced sorrow. Only upbeat songs were running in the background, singing ‘ _I Wanna Know~_ ’ and ‘ _party all day_ ~’ or ‘ _good day_ ~’, as if making fun of his troubled heart.

His alarm rang, purposely set to a later time, and when he finally looked at the screen, he saw several missed calls from his friends. He had one from Jongin and another two from Moonkyu, who were both probably calling him to scream about their fun vacation at Cebu over the weekend. Jongin was quite vocal about buying him a plane ticket to join them but Sungwoon wasn’t in the mood for any of that.

He could barely carry on with his daily life here in Seoul, how could he ever run around and frolicking there at the beaches.

 

His mornings were never this self-depreciating before. Sungwoon had always been brim-full with happiness and positivity. ‘ _It comes with the age’_ , Jimin once mentioned to him as if he was not _just_ a year younger than him. Sungwoon blamed it on the workload but he could never voice those thoughts out loud lest his luck ran out.

Instead, he just bottled everything inside and accepted whatever new assignments or projects handed to him. _This was the dream, wasn’t_ _it_ , he reminded himself and that would be enough to fuel his workaholic state.

 

He remembered—the smiles and laughter that once accompanied his morning, how certain kittenish and playful kisses from one particular man could eliminate all of his bad thoughts and tiredness. Just a ‘good morning’ greeting from _him_ could make his soreness gone. Like magic. As if their love could make anything, everything bad disappear.

 

But he had told Daniel to forget him. And now, he wondered if the younger one truly did. He probably did. Since he heard, from a mutual friend, that the Busan man had now moved on. And he had completely erased Sungwoon from his memory. Just like what he, himself, prayed for once.

It was for the best, Sungwoon decided, as he poured another set of coffee into his mug. They were too young and too destructive, love filling up their entire life, as if love could solve everything. It couldn’t.

Daniel had graduated, that much, Sungwoon knew personally. It was not to his credit though that he came to know about his other updates—like the dance company he’d assigned to, or the newest addition to his cat family, and the new apartment he’d been sharing with Jisung hyung. His friends, well, their mutual friends, were definitely not shy to share that information with him.

They probably thought that Sungwoon couldn’t care less about the free news. It was in the past anyway.

But what they did not know was that ironically, all the songs Sungwoon had written were all for the same person, dancing around the same theme—longing, pining and wistful in nature. They probably had a hunch but they put Sungwoon too high up on the pedestals. He wasn’t as strong as people deemed, or expected him to be.

 

“Hyung, what’s for breakfast?” Jihoon asked as soon as he could produce coherent thoughts. Hair a mess, face bloated, and none care given, Jihoon stretched in the couch, got up and looked at the kitchen area. Sungwoon was looking all abstracted, leaning on the island top. When Jihoon asked one more time, “What’s for breakfast?”, he woke up from his daze.

“Hyung?”

“Hm?” Sungwoon asked, “Oh, just the usual, my pain and sorrow.”

“Oh cool,” Jihoon shrugged, “Cold pizza again, huh.”

“Hey, I warmed them up in the microwave for you!”

 

* * *

🎼🎼🎼

 

“Hey, sir,” The part-timer in the convenience store called him. Sungwoon looked down at her—he already paid, did he not? She looked at him with full of judgment in her eyes before pointing with her mouth, “Your total is 7,500 won—2,000 won for the sausage sticks, 800 won for the _samgak_ kimbap, 1,200 won for the Honey Butter chips, and 3,500 won for the beers. So, 7,500 won in total.” She sounded so done with life.

“I only brought notes with me.” Sungwoon looked at his palm. Yep, only 7 1,000 won notes.

“You could lose one of the beers.” She suggested. “Do good for your liver.”

“No, one is not enough.” Sungwoon sighed, and he couldn’t possibly lose the snacks. He was craving for them. Was it worth the trip back to his home to get the coins?

“When did the beers get this expensive?” He lowly complained. “Or is it the honey butter?”

“I’m not paid enough for this half middle-aged crisis.” She muttered under her breath and Sungwoon selectively heard that. And he pouted. He, too, was not sober enough to think of a solution for his little problem.

 

“Let me pay for him,” A voice interrupted the two’s interaction. Sungwoon looked behind and saw few angry faces, and, oh— _Hwang Minhyun_. He didn’t even realise that he had created a line of people behind him. Guess he was more out of it than he let himself be. He just stared as Minhyun slipped another note next to Sungwoon’s own money.

When the girl sighed in relief, and returned the 500 won coin back to Minhyun, he shook his head and asked her to keep the change. He took the paper bag and gently pulled Sungwoon to follow him. Robotically, the older one did so, but not before bowing his head and apologising to the little crowd behind him.

“Come on, hyung,” Minhyun called, “What if one of the people capture your face and post somewhere that Producer Ha doesn’t even have enough change to pay at the convenience store.”

 

“Don’t nag at me,” He said to Minhyun, pulling his hand away from the other’s hold.

Minhyun sighed. He hadn’t even said anything after they left the premise. He had given Sungwoon his top, covered Sungwoon’s head and face with the hood, and started their journey back to Sungwoon’s neighbourhood. It seemed that he’d travelled quite far from his place.

“Why are you walking around without your ID, hyung? It’s dangerous.”

“How do you know—”

“You’re dressed for a quick run to the store, aren’t you?” Minhyun probed. “And you’re wearing such thin clothing too.”

“You’re lightly dressed as well.” Sungwoon complained. “You’re not even wearing a coat. In this cold weather!” Little did he realise that Minhyun had given his to him. “Why are you even here? I thought you’re off to Japan.”

“That was three years ago, hyung,” Minhyun enlightened him. “I’ve moved back here to Seoul.”

“You’re not staying in Japan for real? I thought Daehwi went to visit you there?” Drunk Sungwoon really had his facts all tangled up. Minhyun did go to Japan for his internship with the company that’s willing to recruit him post-studies. But it was only for a year and a half. He’d returned back and graduated properly from the university ever since.

And the vacation with Daehwi a few months back? It was actually just an impromptu trip to make sure Daehwi and Jinyoung don’t get lost in the Osaka. Still, Sungwoon’s effort was cute, so Minhyun just smiled at him. When the older one seemed to be disarraying from their path, Minhyun pulled him back. But more often than not, Sungwoon seemed to be distracted with every little thing he saw on their way back.

“Stop moving about, hyung,” Minhyun heaved a sigh as Sungwoon tried to push away Minhyun who was helping him to tie his laces up. “You’re going to get hurt.”

“Shut up,” Sungwoon looked away, “I can still walk, you know.”

“By the look of it,” Minhyun turned around and noticed that they were just a few blocks away from the convenience store in which they’d met. “If I’m not around, I think that you’d take forever to reach home.”

“Why are you here then?” Sungwoon looked up and tilted his head. “I thought that you left to work at Japan?”

 

“Why are you blushing, hyung?” Minhyun asked as he peered at Sungwoon who was walking silently beside him. Minhyun finally decided to hold Sungwoon’s hand firmly to guide him back. And Sungwoon, the moment Minhyun clasped their hand together, looked down and refused to look up. Seeing that it’d be pointless to try and make him walk with his eyes casted on the route properly, Minhyun navigated the older man to safety.

“You’re holding my hand.” Sungwoon answered just as truthfully. And unnecessarily, he added, “No one has held my hand in such a long time.”

“That’s a bit of a stretch, isn’t is, hyung?” Minhyun questioned. Rhetorically, actually, since his real intention was to check Sungwoon’s response to that. He knew that ever since the breakup with Daniel back in college, he had a few more suitors pining for his attention. One special bastard (Minhyun’s choice of word), had actually managed to convince Sungwoon to be in a committed relationship with him. For only a few months, but kudos to the man who’d tried.

Sungwoon looked at him and rolled his eyes. At least he finally looked up, Minhyun thought. He could care less about the death threat look sent over his way.

“I’m glad, by the way,” Minhyun started, “I mean, that hyung is getting out and meeting new people. For a while, I was afraid that…” _The incident three years ago had ruined you_. “That you’ve decided to stop meeting people.”

“I meet new people all the time.” Sungwoon told him nonchalantly.

“You know I don’t mean it that way.”

 

“It was…I thought that I was ready for a new start.” Sungwoon sighed, looking up at the night sky. He felt secured, being held by someone who genuinely care for him. “Well, you would know more about new relationships.” Sungwoon teased him.

“Hyung,” Minhyun nudged him back, smiling sheepishly, “Why are you like this?”

“You’re with Jonghyun now, aren’t you?” Sungwoon joked. He then looked down at their intertwined hands, “Won’t Jonghyun be with mad if he sees us like this?” He then tried (not so secretively) to unclasp their hands. Minhyun, unbudgingly, held Sungwoon’s hand even firmer.

“You’re going to run off somewhere again,” Minhyun insisted.

“I’m sober now, and it’s not like I drank too much.” Sungwoon hissed back, managed to get his hand back. He cradled it softly to his chest and sighed in relief. “My head is just full of stuffs now. Work stuff, stupid stuff… Anyway, contrary to popular beliefs, I am not someone who wrecks other people’s relationships, you know.”

“Hyung—”

“Well, I’m just saying,” He shrugged, “Considering my reputation back in the days. Even after a few years had passed, a lot of people seem to be eager to share about what happened on social medias. My company had quite a hard time blocking them from getting out…but you know, I’m prepared for all the shits to get loose.”

“Hyung,” Minhyun pulled Sungwoon to a stop, hand on his shoulder. “Back then—”

Sungwoon took Minhyun’s hand off of his shoulder and shook his head. “We’ve talked about this, have we not? We’ve settled things, and I’d like to not think about it again. You’re happy now, with Jonghyun, and I don’t want that to change. So please, let’s just forget about what happened.”

 

“We don’t talk about your feelings much, hyung,” Minhyun sighed. “We used to.” Until things got a bit more complicated and messed up.

“Okay,” Sungwoon slapped his cheeks with his palms, shocking Minhyun who seemed to be too flabbergasted to react. “I’m okay now. No more distracted thoughts, no more alcohol running in me, okay? My house is just a few units away, so,”

“Hyung,” Minhyun tried, but stopped after he saw the desolated look on Sungwoon’s face. It wasn’t his place nor right to be intruding into Sungwoon’s thoughts like this. They hadn’t been speaking terms in years, to add to that context. He was just an old friend, in which a big part of himself had caused Sungwoon so much heartache.

If Minhyun let his thoughts eating him up—he’d say that he had caused Sungwoon to be traumatised, making him feel unloved and unworthy of himself. Sungwoon said that he grew out of it but even with that ‘assurance’, Minhyun would always feel guilty for all the things that happened three years ago. The memory still haunted him until today. And it took even a tough work for Jonghyun to convince him to love again. To believe in love again.

“I’m alright,” Sungwoon insisted once more, “And I will keep on being alright. Work’s good, I go out to hang out with the boys…everything’s perfect.”

Minhyun hung his head lowly. With a hushed murmur, he told Sungwoon, “You’ve always been a terrible liar, hyung.”

 

“I’m fine,” Sungwoon sighed when he saw Minhyun’s expression. He took his stuff, the paper bag, from Minhyun’s hold and cradled it across his chest. “And I’m going home now. Alone. Don’t worry, don’t fuss over me, and don’t mention this to Jonghyun too. If he calls me later at night to check on me,” He made a motion to slit his throat and eyed Minhyun carefully. “You better watch out, Hwang.”

“I will call you later, hyung.” Minhyun stressed out.

“No!” Sungwoon denied. “No, you can’t. You have a boyfriend. Don’t call another man at night. Especially when it’s your previous…” _Now, what would be the right term to address their previous relationship?_ “…your previous affair.” Sungwoon shrugged, ignoring completely Minhyun’s chuckle. _He must be thinking that it’s alright to be all cheeky to me now,_ Sungwoon thought.

“Whatever,” Sungwoon started walking away, “Don’t go after me. Don’t call me. I’m serious, Minhyun. If you want to talk, bring your boyfriend along with you.” He spun around, “I’m serious.”

“I moved on, hyung.” Minhyun smiled in amusement at Sungwoon’s scrutinising tone. Sungwoon had not become any less cute even after years had passed. However, Minhyun really considered him just a friend (if Sungwoon would allow it), the cuteness now became an endearment and he wished nothing but happiness to Sungwoon now.

When Sungwoon continued his journey back home, Minhyun called after him, “Enjoy your snacks, Sungwoon hyung!”

 

🎼🎼🎼

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> go for the next one!


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

🎼🎼🎼

 

It wasn’t any special, when Sungwoon was reunited with Daniel again.

After three years had passed.

He was in his studio when one of the company staffs knocked on the door. A meeting, she reminded Sungwoon, of a new project for an idol group, for Wonshik’s idol group actually. Wonshik had joked about recruiting Sungwoon for the group before he’d graduated three years ago and Sungwoon had actually laughed at his face.

_“Why not?” Wonshik shrugged, “You can sing, you can dance. Your face is…okay, standard idol, I guess. You even auditioned for JYP back in the day. What had changed?”_

_“I’m old now, that’s what changed!” Sungwoon told him._

_“Age is just a number. You can actually be their oldest hyung, you know. I can even make you their leader. It might not seem like it but my voice actually holds an authority in the company.”_

_“Okay, Mr. Producer. Thank you, but, no thanks.”_

 

And fast forward years later, Sungwoon would be producing for said idol group. Fate really works miraculously, Sungwoon said to himself. He had a few demo songs and different melodies for the same theme in his ipad, and he was checking them out when he bumped into a hard shoulder in the hallway.

When Sungwoon looked up, he saw a nest of brown bleached hair. _Tall_ , the first thought came to his mind. _And shoulders_. Look at those shoulders, he ogled in the split second before he managed to humiliate himself and staggered when the man spun around to look at him. _Here comes the slow falling_ , Sungwoon managed to think before a hand rested against his waist to hold him up.

 _Oh wow, a straight up Korean drama scene_?

Sungwoon’s head was running, along with his racing heartbeats, thinking of his ipad if he were to fall down a few seconds ago. He quickly fixed his stance and stepped backwards to give the man some space, to give _himself_ some space actually. To breathe. Because _wow_ , this man is handsome…too. He had piercing eyes and an intimidating expression but when he broke into a smile, he actually looked soft. ‘ _What kind of sorcery is this_?’ Sungwoon asked himself.

“Hello there,” The man greeted, “Sorry I didn’t see you there.” He said as he retreated his hand from Sungwoon’s back.

“It’s fine.” He replied. Seemed like the man was about to enter the office in which the meeting would be held. Several voices were heard from inside the room, and Sungwoon could inferred that the Verivery members were already inside.

“You’re going inside, PD-nim?”

“ _Oh_ ,” Sungwoon was taken aback. People recognising and acknowledging him was still fascinating even until this moment. He had made his big breakthrough in the industry for a couple of years now but everything still amazed him. How could they know me…? And he told so to the man, “You know me?”

“Of course,” The man answered without missing a beat. “I heard _a lot_ about you. I’m a fan.”

“Why, thank you…” Sungwoon trailed. He felt bad that he couldn’t match a name to the face (What if he’s someone I’m supposed to know?).

“—Taedong,” The man answered. “I’m Kim Taedong. I’m with the choreography team.”

“I thought Roh Taehyun is doing it?” Sungwoon knew because he witnessed first-hand how Wonshik and Taehyun had been ‘celebrating’ their joint collaboration for a few times (after every meeting) in the past month. It was actually just pure excuse for them to be filling their stomachs with alcohol but Sungwoon couldn’t say much, he himself was guilty of that charge.

“Taehyun hyung was indeed involved. But he passed the assignment to our team when something came up. He was busy planning for a birthday party supposedly.”

“Weird.” Sungwoon voiced out, and reminded himself to be nosy and prod Taehyun about it. Anyway, not a loss to him, he decided. If Taehyun entrusts a project to these guys, maybe they’re _that_ good. After all, it was rare to see the older one giving up on something halfway. Even for a birthday or something.

Sungwoon glanced up to the man (he hated how small he felt when the other person looked downwards to stare back at him) and offered a handshake. “Well, welcome to the team, Taedong-ssi. I’m looking forward to be working with you.” They wouldn’t be working directly together, but still, _formalities_.

 

“Taedong?” Someone’s voice stirred the two’s attention. They broke their handshake and Sungwoon looked behind him.

 _Oh_.

 _Daniel_.

Kang Daniel looked as good as ever, same face, same hair, but with a different look in his eyes. He kept the eye contact with Sungwoon for a while before moving on to Taedong. “Why are you still out here? I thought I ask you to come straight inside? What would the directors say if we’re both late?”

 _‘It’s not late,’_ Sungwoon offered inside his head. By standard, he’d actually be the latest person to be present inside the room. Sungwoon observed the two’s interaction quietly—if Daniel was with Taedong, then that’d mean that Sungwoon would be working with him as well. He could infer that much from the brief contact.

“I guess I’ll come inside first,” Sungwoon said, mostly to Taedong’s face because he couldn’t seem to look at his ex-boyfriend yet.

 

Throughout the meeting, Sungwoon was very distracted. Unlike the various scenarios he’d imagined before, there was not much to talk about—there weren’t any screaming and shouting, or throwing water in front of anyone’s faces, no jabs, no hugs and kisses—just nothing. It was like they were complete strangers. He guessed that he probably deserved it anyway.

Sungwoon presented the concept for his songs, and discussed with the boys’ manager on a suitable time to come over to his studio for a proper listen and initial recording. He needed to hear and listen to the members’ voices up close. They agreed on a later day because the boys had a fanmeeting scheduled later. That gave Sungwoon a bit time to edit and adjust some changes to his works.

The choreography team wasn’t needed for today’s meeting but since there was a change in the production crews, they decided to formally introduce themselves.

 

And like there was no history between them, Daniel just strode up to Sungwoon and said, “Our team will get the song from you once it’s decided then?”

It was weird—to be seeing Daniel in such close proximity like this. They saw each other before, in the span of the three years, yes—but only in pictures and posts by the group of friends they share. And to be talking to him face-to-face—when their ending had been heart-breaking and painful for the many parties involved. It was _really_ weird.

“PD-nim?” Daniel asked, head tilted to the side, as if he could elicit faster response from Sungwoon like that.

“Oh, yes,” Sungwoon hurriedly answered, “Yes, sure. I’ll contact your team…somehow.” He winced, he had deleted Daniel’s number a long time ago and there were no business cards exchanged, _how could he reach out for them later_? Whatever, Sungwoon thought, he’d ask from Taehyun, or even their other friends. It wouldn’t be hard to get that basic information.

“I’ll get going now,” He excused himself. And bowed when he saw Taedong coming up to Daniel. “See you around, Taedong-ssi.”

“Of course, PD-nim. It was a _pleasure_ to finally meet you.”

The little huff from Daniel did not go unheard by all three of them. They glanced at one another before Sungwoon smiled (awkwardly) and started his march back to his work station. It was about time that he opens the bottle of wine Jihoon had not-so-subtly smuggled inside his studio.

 

* * *

 🎼🎼🎼

 

It was easy working with Daniel. For as long as they had functioned, they had been practising and working with one another a lot in their university days. Daniel had taught Sungwoon the moves to his dancing assignments, and more often than not, Daniel had choreographed to the songs Sungwoon had rearranged or composed.

Even now, with the cramped space inside of Sungwoon’s studio, it was easy talking to him. Daniel was a good working partner—he asked a lot of important questions instead of doing whatever the hell he wants. Stuffs like; what concept Sungwoon was going for, how he was feeling in some certain lines, and jotting down some notes in his book. It felt like déjà vu, somehow, because three years ago, this was how Sungwoon lived his everyday lives.

As much as it was fun working with him, it was hell when break time came.

 

Taedong suddenly offered to buy lunch for them, and he invited Sungwoon’s sound engineer to go with him, to help him to carry the stuffs, he said. Assistant Jo agreed to help without any hesitation. But not before looking at Sungwoon expectantly.

“What is it?” Sungwoon asked him, although he knew exactly what the look was for. When Assistant Jo just smiled brightly at him, Sungwoon sighed and reached inside his pocket to get the company card. “While you’re it, can you get some bread for us? Oh, and a milkshake for me?” He blinked his eyes cutely as if he wasn’t the eldest in the room. Swooned, Assistant Jo said okay and proceeded to ask Daniel what he’d like.

 

When they were finally alone, the awkwardness started creeping in.

 

“It’s really nice, huh?” Daniel mentioned out of the blue. Sungwoon was toying around the handles in front of him and clicking random buttons on his keyboard. He was startled when Daniel began talking. He expected silence to engulf them until the assistants returns…but guess that Kang Daniel had another thought.

“The glow up, I mean.” Daniel explained further, “Look at your new studio, hyung.” He said as he turned around in the swivel chair, inspecting Sungwoon’s personal space.  His eyes shone in admiration.

The walls are in light blue, with puffs of white clouds painted over it. The light was reduced to a specific dim, and the soft hum of the air humidifier accompanied them. On one side of the wall, there was a shelf of Sungwoon’s accomplishments—trophies, certificates, framed posters and slogans from his fan communities. It truly seemed like Sungwoon’s dream space.

He looked at Sungwoon and smiled, the brightest Sungwoon had ever seen since they worked together for the project. “Congratulations, hyung. I’m…very happy for you.”

“Daniel,” Sungwoon called, “Thank you…really. I appreciate that,” – _especially when it comes from you_ , Sungwoon thought. For years, Sungwoon had eliminated all sorts of distractions—men, love, dating—to build this reputation for himself. He worked hard, to repay his family, to redeem himself, to make everyone who’s rooting for him proud.

Without any rest, he had been living to give back to them. To live up to what’s expected of him. To make everyone happy. Well, seeing their delighted and proud faces, like the one present on Daniel’s face right now, that was the true essence of his happiness. 

 

“What did your grandpa say?” Daniel asked. It was surprising that Daniel wanted to go for a real conversation but Sungwoon played along his tune. “I can only imagine his happiness.”

“I haven’t enlisted yet,” Sungwoon told him, “So he still has his regrets. But he is proud. He doesn’t nag at me as much when I visit him. Not like he can say much though, I bring him to a lot of fancy places now. He might not show it, but he’s very pleased.” Sungwoon paused, “And he doesn’t urge me to get married anymore.”

“Oh,” Daniel resounded. “Well,” Another pause, “That’s good.”

“Yeah,” Sungwoon chuckled, “Another problem solved. I don’t think he minds much now, even if I marry a guy.” _Fuck_. Sungwoon realised his slip of tongue a tad too late. He hurriedly busied himself by opening more folders and going through nothing, even resorted to renaming some files in the archive.

Daniel was quiet after that. “I see,” He trailed, before shifting his attention to his phone.

And not long after that, Taedong and Assistant Jo returned from their little food shopping. However, they hadn’t even planted their butts on the couch when Daniel suddenly spoke up and excused himself.

“Already?” Taedong asked, looking at the food they’d just bought sadly. Assistant Jo handed the card over to Sungwoon and he shared a look with Taedong. The younger choreographer shrugged his shoulders. When he looked up and met Daniel’s cold stare, he began packing his stuff right away. But before Daniel and Taedong could exit through the door, it was opened from the other side.

And came in Jihoon.

Sungwoon palmed his head with a small sigh.

“Oh!” Jihoon perked up, lighting up like a Christmas tree. He eyed Daniel who was right in front of him, and then gaping excitedly at Sungwoon behind him, completely ignoring and blocking the sight of two other persons present in the room. “Hyung!” He called Sungwoon, “What is this?”

“Before you say anything, Hoon-ah—”

“Since when has this started?” He asked. He turned to Sungwoon’s assistant and prodded him instead, “Mr. Jo, when did this start?”

“Park Jihoon,” Sungwoon called, “It’s nothing. He’s here for work.” The older man said, eyeing Daniel who remained silent in his position. He didn’t know why, but the fact that Daniel’s depleting mood upset him as well. Jihoon scrutinised the pair before sharing a look with the other two men. “And he was just leaving,” Sungwoon told him.

“Ah, yes,” Daniel said, “We were about to leave.” He resumed his walk out of the door. Moving pass Jihoon, he patted the younger’s side and told him, “I’ll call you later, okay? See you, Jihoon.”

“But hyung—”

“Jihoon—”

When the door shut behind the two dancers, Jihoon turned to Sungwoon. Disappointment was evident on his face, that went without saying. “What are you doing? Hyung? Are you trying to make him leave again?”

“What are you saying?” Sungwoon asked him, frustration also laying obvious in his tone. He eyed Assistant Jo warily, thinking if he should dismiss the man as well before continuing this very unnecessary conversation with Jihoon. But if he let him stays, then that’d be an excuse to make Jihoon leave earlier and hold his questions back. “He was leaving on his accord. We’ve been working on the song theme for quite a while since this morning. I did not kick him out.”

“That’s not what I meant.” Jihoon said. Upon Sungwoon’s more and more confused face, he continued, “Your tone…hyung’s face just now… I’m not stupid, hyung. I saw it all happening before. If you continue to treat him like that, then Daniel hyung will really leave your life altogether.”

As if he did not, leaving, because he did. And for years ever since, Sungwoon’s heart had never been whole anymore. Although, a huge part of that was because of Sungwoon himself. He never regretted his choice, but still, it was a lie to say that he did not miss Kang Daniel at all.

“I’m going to continue work on this with Jo,” Sungwoon said. “You’re free to hang around if you want.”

“Sungwoon hyung—”

“It’s not the same anymore, Jihoon. We’re not in university anymore. Three years had passed. It’s over.” Before Sungwoon could finish his words, Jihoon left the room and slammed the door shut. The loud pang startled both Sungwoon and Assistant Jo. Suddenly, it was opened from the outside one more time.

Jihoon. “I didn’t mean for it to sound that loud. I’m sorry.” And he closed the door again, quieter this time.

“Don’t say anything,” Sungwoon said to the man next to him. Assistant Jo looked at him in confusion. “If it’s not related to this project, then don’t talk to me at all.” With that, he pulled up his headphone and jammed it to his ears. “Wait, give me my milkshake first.”

 

* * *

 🎼🎼🎼

 

“Who hurt you, Woon?” Someone asked. Sungwoon was slumped on his studio desk, his own composed songs lulling him to his busy thoughts. His head was on the desk, one side flat on it, making his cheek squished to the cold surface. He didn’t need to look up to see who was checking up on him. It could be anyone—he had a lot of mom friends—Jisung hyung, Junhyuk hyung, Timo, even Minhyun, although that hadn’t been precise for a few years now.

“Why are you sad?” By the voice, and the long fingers going through his hair, it was Seongwoo.

Sungwoon’s breath hitched against his throat and he felt the rush of tears glistening in his eyes. He opened his eyes wider, careful not to let the tears fall down his cheeks. But he guessed that his little armour of self-defence crumbled when his sobs filled the room.

“Oh, Sungwoon,” Seongwoo said as he pulled Sungwoon into a hug. “It’s hard, isn’t it?”

 

Sungwoon had been working himself to exhaustion for the past few years. On top of that, even in his throne now, there were people who are working even harder to bring him down. Sungwoon tried to be strong, if not for his people’s sake, then for himself. But still, it was a struggle to take another step now.

He felt so…tired. He felt like he’d been having continuous bad years, back to back. There were times when he was happy, but that happiness peaked only at those times. Alone, in the confinement of his room where no one could see beyond his mask, Sungwoon had actually felt so lonely, so conflicted, and just, _sad_.

“Cry,” Seongwoo consoled him. “Cry as much as you want.” In the background, Sungwoon’s sad lyrics played, presenting perfectly his feelings at the moment. Seongwoo patted his back, whispering warm words to his friend. It was a while, _since the last breakdown_ , he noted.

Sungwoon cried like a baby, lips trembling, eyes shut tightly, shoulders hitching up and down with every sob that echoed across the room. “What am I doing…” Sungwoon cried, “With my life? I don’t know…I’m scared…and I feel so alone…”

 

Outside the room, overhearing the whole thing was none other than Daniel. He had been the one to call Seongwoo over, for he knew, despite the odds, Sungwoon and Seongwoo confided in each other a lot. They might not start that way, but over time, they had truly bonded for their similarities, as much as their differences.

Daniel had returned that night, to apologise—no, just to check on Sungwoon. After what happened earlier that day, Daniel realised that he was no longer a kid, no, not even a kid in an adult’s clothing. And that when someone doesn’t love him back, that doesn’t mean that he should stop loving that person altogether.

Their time apart was nothing but a lesson to him. Daniel did not regret it since he learned something in that period. There were instances when he did feel like giving up and come back, to ask Sungwoon to accept him back, to be with him again. A lot actually. Not a day passed in which Daniel did not think of Ha Sungwoon.

When he learned the fact that Sungwoon had a new boyfriend, Daniel felt betrayed. And he began to date around too. He stopped after a while, after confronted by Jisung. Because nothing could ever compare to _the one_. To Ha Sungwoon, his only one.

 

Seongwoo came out after a while.

“How’s he?” Daniel asked. Seongwoo looked at him in distaste, noticing that Daniel was sitting on the cold floor and leaning against the wall. He looked like he’d lost a battle defending his country. Seongwoo offered a hand, pulling the younger up and was then towered by a whole Kang Daniel.

“He’s sleeping now.”

“Should we move him somewhere?” He looked at the closed door, worried.

“Nah,” Seongwoo shook his head. “I moved him to the couch already. He was just getting a little shut eye. He said he’ll leave the studio once he wakes up.”

“It’d be uncomfortable though.” Daniel said.

“He’s stronger than what he seems, you know that.” Seongwoo nudged him, smiling warmly. “Are you going to stay here, or…?” Seongwoo asked, knowing for a fact that it wouldn’t be easy to get rid of Daniel when he’s in this mode. He would not stop caring for Sungwoon even after that assurance from him, Seongwoo knew. “Stop worrying, Sungwoon is tired of sleeping on his massive king-sized bed at home, let him be for tonight.”

“It’s been a while,” Daniel rubbed his face in frustration. “I was just…taken aback, I guess. He wasn’t responding to the knocks and all of my texts or calls. I was worried. But I didn’t want to cross the line when our relationship is still a whole question mark by itself.” He was glad that Seongwoo could come in a short time despite his grumbles over the phone. Daniel knew that the complaints were just a façade to hide his concerns though.

“But still, thank you for coming, hyung.”

 

Seongwoo nodded his head and patted Daniel’s shoulder. “Take care of him.” And he added after a few seconds, “And yourself too. Your happiness matters too, Niel-ah. Don’t forget that.”

“Do you think it’s wise? For me to be here?” Daniel asked again, “Because I don’t know, hyung. I don’t know what I should do. I mean, I never stop loving him. But… I’m scared.”

“I know,” Seongwoo acknowledged, “And you know he is too, right. Although he smiles a lot, you know how he hides his problems underneath all of that. Just like someone else I know,” Seongwoo eyed his friend specifically. In which Daniel just replied with a smile. “Get him a hot tea or something, peach tea? Camomile? He’ll be thankful.”

“Again, hyung, thank you,” Daniel said as he hugged Seongwoo.

 

* * *

🎼🎼🎼

 

“Recording’s done!” Sungwoon exclaimed to himself. The members of the idol group had left the recording studio and Sungwoon made his way out after bidding a goodbye and ‘You’ve done a great job’ to Assistant Jo.

He walked out of the main door, making his way to get a quick dinner before he listened to the recorded song once more. He still needed to fix some stuffs and he didn’t want to drag the task any longer. The choreography team begun making the moves right after Sungwoon sent the final demo of the song to them so Sungwoon guessed that the idols would start their dance practice soon.

He wished them luck. Daniel could be a firm teacher if you catch him in one of his days.

He was barely making a turn on the block when a hand suddenly halted his movement. Reflexes kicking in, Sungwoon whipped his head and made a distance between him and the person.

 

It was just Daniel.

“What are you doing here?” He asked him. “I thought the boys will be starting their practice soon?”

“Taedong can coach them well.” Daniel breathed out. He was panting. Sungwoon observed him for a while, noticing the beads of sweat on his forehead and how he could barely catch his breath. Seeing the skeptical look on Sungwoon’s face, Daniel added, “I have awesome dancers in my team. Woojin can lead the team when I’m not around. I trust them.”

“Okay,” Sungwoon blinked, “If you say so.” Seriously, after maintaining a hot and cold treatment to Sungwoon for a couple of weeks, he decided to strike a conversation in the middle of nowhere?

“Where are you going?” Daniel asked him, starting to walk. Sungwoon had no choice but to walk beside him. He was heading to the same direction anyway, on a quest to fill his stomach before he could have another productive day in the studio.

“I’m grabbing dinner.” Sungwoon answered. “Why are you here?”

“I heard your song.” Daniel explained as if it could answer Sungwoon’s question. “Well, I mean the Verivery boys’ song. Which is technically yours too, you know, since you composed and produced the whole thing, which was very awesome by the way, hyung.”

The older one chuckled, “Of course, you would’ve heard it, Daniel. I sent the recording to you personally, did I not?”

“Yeah, and I…the moves come in right away, hyung. I’ve never been _that_ inspired in creating dance moves, in such a long time.”

 

Sungwoon hummed and nodded his head, feeling actually pleased that Daniel’s response to the song was great. It felt like a warm pat at the back telling him that his hard work had paid. “Thank you, Daniel. I’m glad everything worked out well. I hope the kids would have fun promoting this time around. I mean, with my song and your choreography? It’s a deadly combination, if you ask me.”

“Hyung—” Daniel’s hand suddenly shot up and held Sungwoon’s elbow, pausing their journey. Sungwoon looked at the hand that was touching him before glancing up at Daniel’s face. Daniel retreated his hand and took a step back, scared that he might make Sungwoon uncomfortable. “Hyung, I have something to say to you.”

 

Something felt terribly wrong. Sungwoon could see it—in Daniel’s hesitance and nervousness. This had happened before, that night when Daniel confessed to him for the first time. How he asked Sungwoon to give him a chance, to let him be his boyfriend. To be his lover.

_This had happened before._

Sungwoon couldn’t let the story began the same way. He couldn’t relive the entire process of heartache if something bad was to happen. If fate decided to hit them with separation once more, because, how could they not learn?

 

“Did you forget what happened?” Sungwoon’s icy voice rendered Daniel speechless. “If you’re going to do what I think you are, then you should stop. We’re adults now, Daniel. Can’t you see that our love is just…going nowhere?”

“So, you still love me?” Daniel intercepted.

Sungwoon stared at him in astonishment. “Don’t turn my words around. You know what I said.”

“I thought about it, hyung, for three years now.” Daniel sighed, “Three long years. If you think that I’m confessing to you right now because I simply want you back, then I guess that you’re the one who hasn’t learned anything.”

“Wha—”

“Fine,” Daniel nodded his head. He took one deep breath and exhaled. _You can do this, you’re Kang Daniel,_ his inner monologue supported. “Fine, if we want to cut things short. I love you, hyung, I still do. I never stopped, all this time. Never.”

 

Sungwoon closed his eyes tightly. _Why is Daniel doing this to himself?_ “Why are you doing this to yourself?”

“Listen,” Daniel insisted, “I love you, hyung. I do. Three years, five, seven, hundred years to come, I will still remember you. I will still love you. Three years ago, I told you, did I not? Now let me ask you, did you forget me? Have you got rid of me in your thoughts? In your heart? Is it really over for you?”

Daniel took a step closer. Like how he did in Sungwoon’s room three years ago. He stopped right in front of Sungwoon and asked him again. “Tell me, hyung, do you still love me? Do you miss me? Did time heal everything?”

Sungwoon dropped his face. He couldn’t bear to look at Daniel now. “It did.”

“Don’t lie.” Daniel coaxed. “Lying doesn’t suit you, hyung. Come on, look at me.”

Sungwoon decided to stare straight into his eyes. He could not let Daniel make the same mistake. He would never forgive himself if he ever hurt Daniel again. “I moved on, Kang Daniel. And really, it’s about time you do too.”

 

“But what about your songs?”

“They’re just songs.” Sungwoon said as he continued his walk. He tried quickened his steps, fearing that Daniel could catch up to him and see how he was doing, how he was breaking apart even more with every step he took.

_They’re just songs. Yeah, right._

 

* * *

🎼🎼🎼

 

“You sure you want to stay here, hyung?” Woojin asked. When Daniel did not answer, he sighed. “I’ll be leaving now, then. I won’t turn the lights off.”

“It’s past twelve,” Daniel called after him. “Turn it off.” He wanted to drown himself in sadness surrounded by darkness. Practice was over, he trained the idol group the moves for their latest song. Daniel had continued using Sungwoon’s demo because he was a loser like that.

“You’re not a loser, come on, hyung.” Woojin interrupted.

“I got rejected for the third time, Woojin. The third time. How the hell does Sungwoon hyung pack all the stubbornness in his small body?”

Woojin had to laugh at that. “Why are you attacking his physical?”

“Well someone has to do it.” Daniel replied. “Seriously, how does he keep everything there? It’s bad to bottle everything up. And I don’t know how to approach him about it. I love him so much, Woojin-ah. I don’t ever want him to be hurt.”

 

Another sigh from Woojin. A pause. “I don’t know, hyung. I think it’s best that you ask him about it yourself.”

“He doesn’t want to talk to me.”

“Oh?” Woojin said, “Then why is he here now?”

Daniel grunted. “I know that’s not true. Come on, Park Woojin.”

“But he’s really here.” Woojin insisted, “Sungwoon hyung, hey!”

“Stop bullying your hyung!” Daniel cried after hearing Woojin’s playful tone. Didn’t he know that it wasn’t the time for this? He looked up, about to send Woojin the most unthreatening glare ever when he saw him—Ha Sungwoon in all his glory. He had changed in his nightly attire—turtleneck sweater and comfortable sweatpants. He looked like he just rolled out of the bed. What was he doing here?

“I guess this is my cue.” Woojin said. “Goodbye and good luck, to the both of you.” With that, the younger dancer exited the practice room.

 

Daniel just stared as Sungwoon made his way into the room. He stood up as well, still gaping emptily at the man in front of him. It was just a few hours ago that Sungwoon had smashed his heart—telling him to move on and forget about their everything once more. Like a broken record. So why was he here?

“They’re not just songs.” Sungwoon said.

He looked down, fingers meddling with the cuffs of his sweater. They engulfed his little hands, and this made it easier for himself to hide the slight tremble happening right now. They weren’t just songs, they’re everything Sungwoon has to say, all of the things he’d kept for himself, all the messages he wanted to tell Daniel.

Because he was a coward, and he couldn’t ever say it to Daniel face-to-face. Why was it hard?

“Because I love you, Daniel.”

“Hyung—”

“Listen to me,” Sungwoon cut him, “I will ever say this once.” He took a deep breath before looking up at Daniel. Straight into his eyes. The man who came and tipped off his entire life. The man who owns his heart. The man of his songs.

Daniel waited, stood there and waited. He still looked surprised but he surprisingly behaved enough and stayed muted as Sungwoon gathered his thoughts.

“I—” Another stop. And then Sungwoon let out a loud exhale and nodded his head. He looked at Daniel again, “I love you. I do. For the past three years, I’ve done nothing but missing you, longing for your presence. But I know that we can’t be together. I hurt you, Daniel. I love you but I keep on…reminded by the fact that I’ve hurt you. And it’s hurting me too.”

 

Him and Minhyun? “I guess that after three years, I felt like I condemned myself enough for the mistake that I’ve done. I don’t know, maybe some people would think that I’m unforgivable, for hurting you…for cheating on you…but I’m done. I’m done being miserable. I wanted…I want you to stay so much.” And his tears fell. He couldn’t help it but when his lips trembled from keeping the sobs in, he knew he would look so pathetic.

So, he covered his face and continued, “I loved him. Or maybe I thought I did. It was painful. I just wanted him to be with me. So, I didn’t think much when I dated you. I wanted to show him that I could be happy too, without him. That it was his loss that he wouldn’t take another chance with me. And when he finally…started wanting me more, I guess I got conflicted. I wanted it to stop, because you didn’t deserve a cheating boyfriend…”

“Hyung—”

“You were selfless, Daniel. I knew that somehow, eventually, you would forgive me. I knew you. And you did. You wanted to start over again. And I don’t deserve that. I guess, a part of me hated you for that. Similarly, I hated myself for that. That day I told you that…I don’t love you anymore. I lied.”

“I know.” Daniel finally said. “I know.”

“I don’t want to lie anymore.”

“You don’t have to.”

Sungwoon dropped his hands, tears now freely falling to the wooden floor. Daniel was still rooted to his place. Sungwoon’s steps took off, one step, two steps, three, four, a few more…until he stopped in front of Daniel.  

 

“I love you.” He said, with all his remaining heart. With all the frustration he kept. “I love you and I want to be with you. Please, Daniel, do you—”

“Do you have to ask?” Daniel asked back, voice alarmingly sharp. “Why do I have to wait three long years for this to happen, hyung?”

“I know,” Sungwoon sighed, “I’m stupid.” And there were arms going around him, pulling him into a hug. Sungwoon cried even harder, so did Daniel. “I’m so stupid, Daniel. I love you,” He hugged him back, face crumpled into a crying mess on Daniel’s chest and he felt kisses on the top of his head, “And I miss you, so, so much. I miss this.”

“I love you, hyung,” Daniel said, “I don’t know why I was so…damn persistent about it. But I am. The moment I first saw you, until this moment right here. I don’t think I will ever stop loving you, hyung.”

“I want to be with you again.” Sungwoon quietly said. “I want to…I want to start over again. If that’s okay with you?”

“You do know that I came running to you this afternoon to ask of the same thing, right?” Daniel pulled away from the hug and looked at Sungwoon. Look at all his tears. Daniel chuckled, “I hate it when you cry. You always look ugly when you do.”

Fuck you—and a hard punch was delivered to Daniel’s chest. He caught Sungwoon’s fist and kissed his knuckles. “But I love you anyway. And I want you to stop feeling like I deserve more. I want you. You’re everything that I want, smelly fart and ugly crying face, loud mouth and threatening glares,”

“Ugh,” Sungwoon hissed as Daniel continued making fun of him. He was getting all bold, huh, taking advantage of Sungwoon in his defenceless mode.

“—you and your countless of admirers—”

“You’re the one with millions of admirers, Mr. Kang Daniel.”

“Mine are just fans, they’re interested in me because I’m the new shining thing.” That case applied as well back in their university days, “But you, hyung? The people around you love you for who you are. And that always make me restless. Because everyone who knows you would end up falling for you.”

“They do not.”

“Taedong is another example.”

“He’s just a kid,” Sungwoon laughed.

“He’s no kid more than me, hyung.” Daniel sighed, “Even before, I was so afraid that you would find someone else to replace me. I will be honest here, I knew, when we first dated, you didn’t really love me. I mean—you were already involved with someone else before that—”

“Wait, how did you know—”

“I had a crush on you, hyung. I always observe you. Although at that time, I didn’t know who it was…” He trailed.

“It was in the past.” Sungwoon said.

 

Daniel laughed again, “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you, hyung. Everything is in the past now. I’ve learned from everything. Don’t think that what I did in that period was just moping and crying that I miss you. That happened too,” He joked, just to see the smile forming on Sungwoon’s face. “But I did a lot of thinking.”

He looked at Sungwoon intently, clasping his face with his hands. “I never regret it, loving you.”

“I was miserable,” Sungwoon confessed, “Every day…three, no, four years, ever since that happened. I never meant to hurt you. I loved you then, and I still love you now…I was so afraid… I still am.”

“I’m here,” Daniel finally planted a kiss on Sungwoon’s forehead, his eyes, his cheeks, and then his nose, “We’ll go through everything together.”

“I’m sorry…”

“What are you sorry for?”

“For hurting you.”

“I hurt you too. It wasn’t easy, right, hyung?”

“The years had been harsh on me. I wanted to quit so many times.” Sungwoon admitted, “But this job is my passion, my life, and it’s the only mean for me to tell you everything that I feel. Everything is for you, Daniel, my songs.”

 

Daniel kissed him. Then. As another loop of Sungwoon’s latest song played in the background. _Wait_. They pulled apart. “What the hell, Park Woojin? You haven’t left?”

“I came to get Jihoon downstairs.” Woojin snickered, before getting pushed to the side by his boyfriend. Jihoon came into the room and smiled, “So you two are back together? Finally?!”

“Go away,” Sungwoon groaned, “We haven’t even kissed yet.”

“You two already did.” Jihoon pointed out. “What was that then?”

 

“I’ll show you a proper kiss,” Sungwoon said, before pulling Daniel’s face down and pressed their lips together. It had been a while, but Daniel still tasted the same. The pair heard Jihoon’s and Woojin’s cries as they scrambled to get out of the room. There were tongues involved, some heavy groping. And Sungwoon didn’t even mind as Daniel scooped him up and kissed him breathless again.

It was not scary, he knew he could depend on Daniel. That, and he did loop his legs around Daniel’s waist.

 

* * *

🎼🎼🎼

 

“How did you know that I never stopped loving you? Even back then, three years ago?”

“Do you remember the party, hyung? The one on your graduation day?”

 

🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵

 

When Daniel arrived at the room assigned for his friends at the karaoke place, the party was in full swing. There were alcohols lined up on the table, even the younger boys were taking little sips of everything. Daniel remembered himself making a small glare at Daehwi and Kuanlin to tell them to take it slow.

Daniel couldn’t step much into the room, not when a person suddenly jumped on him and holding on to his shoulders. His hands shot right up, trying to support a definitely wobbly Sungwoon. He was way passed his initial drunk state.

 

“Daniel, my boy, you’re here!” Jaehwan cried from the side, as if he was years older than Daniel. How he got himself a pogo stick was a mystery but Daniel was too occupied with his daggling ex-boyfriend to care for Jaehwan and his hopping skills.

“How much did you drink, hyung?” Daniel asked, looking for the closest sober answers. He scanned the room and laid his eyes on Minhyun. Well, he looked definitely sober.

“He had pretty much of everything.” Minhyun replied. “Jisung hyung and Seongwoo are bringing in more.”

“Are they not going to live after this? What happens to post-graduation saving?”

“I scored a job!” Sungwoon screamed in Daniel’s ears. “I’m going to work in the music field! Yes!!!”

“Wow, congratulations, hyung,” Daniel said as he dropped Sungwoon on one of the vacant seats.

 

Jisung and Seongwoo came into the room then, presenting the crowd more booze to waste on. His friends cheered and Daniel pondered if he should take a shot to deal with the headache that was slowly forming on his lobe.

“Thank you, Jisung hyung! This is why I love you!”

“Aww, I love you too, Gureumi-ah.” Jisung said as he pinched Sungwoon’s cheek, ignoring completely Daniel’s stare on him. “This is for you, for your first job! Don’t forget me once you’re successful!”

“Hey, what about me?” Seongwoo asked, “I helped hyung carrying them inside.”

“I love you too, Seongwoo!”

 

And there Sungwoon went, going around the dimmed room, telling his younger friends that he loves each and one of them. Everyone looked on fondly as Sungwoon who was usually quiet with his affection with them expressed his emotions freely. Albeit said in his drunkenness, it felt sincere and genuine. Even when they did something good, Sungwoon was never this expressive with his feelings.

“I love you, Jinyoung,” Sungwoon kissed Jinyoung’s cheek. “For believing in this stupid hyung and listening so well to him.”

Jinyoung was not a person who’d let the opportunity went wasted, “Did I do good in the project hyung? The one you initially evaluated me with only 77 percent?”

“Of course, Bae Bae, you’re my favourite dongsaeng! I love you!”

 

And. Next to Jinyoung was Minhyun. It was almost funny that everyone’s eyes went to Daniel right away.

Minhyun noticed the whole interaction, being observant as he was, and decided to just smile and divert Sungwoon’s attention to the snacks Jisung carried along with him.

“No, everyone’s going to get this.” Sungwoon insisted, and he pressed a smooch on Minhyun’s cheek. “I love you, Minhyun. Even though you hurt me and you didn’t believe in us. But before all that, you were my friend, my best friend in fact, and my bestest roommate. You took care of me, listened to my worries and loved me back. This is why I love you.”

Everyone grew quiet after that. Sungwoon was too drunk to function and he turned around, eyes on Daniel.

 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” He asked. Daniel was obviously affected by the scene earlier and he did nothing to conceal it. He grabbed Sungwoon’s wrist and tried to take him home. Before Sungwoon could do any more damage to his heart. “No, let me go! Even though I love you the most, I won’t let you bring me back!”

“You—what?”

And then Sungwoon giggled in his face. “My dependable younger man, my amazing man, my talented man,” He caressed Daniel’s face, “I hate you! I hate you the most!”

“I get a hate now?” Daniel asked.

“That’s because I love you the most! I love you and I will never forget you. You’re everything that reminds me that I’m miserable. So, I hate you. I hate that I love you so much. I hate that I try so hard to be strong…when actually, I just want to cry. I hate you for being such a nice person. I hate you for forgiving me…for loving me…for that jellies you keep on buying when I said no!”

“Hyung—”

“I love you, Daniel. I did not when we first got together but now, I can’t stop loving you. I don’t think I will ever do. I love you the most. I love you! Kang! Daniel!”

 

“Sungwoon-ah,” Jisung peeled Sungwoon from Daniel. “I think you had enough. Let me bring you out to cool yourself off.”

“No, I’m going to sing one more time before Jinyoung takes all the turns!”

“Let your dongsaeng be,” Jisung laughed.

“I love you, Jisung hyung!” Sungwoon cried before he passed out in the middle of the room. When everyone hurdled close to help him, he came back to his consciousness and announced to everyone, “I feel like puking.”

 

🎼🎼🎼🎼🎼🎼🎼🎼🎼🎼🎼

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND THAT'S IT! IT'S A WRAP! THANK YOU FOR READING THE SERIES~
> 
> ENDGAME NIELWOON! YEAY!
> 
> p/s: i can't believe i started the series one year ago on 180128 because i wanted to see minhyunie dicking down sungwoon while refusing to give on my otp nielwoon. phew.


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